Here we go.......
So- through much consideration, The Ward household welcomed a new edition! A KING sized bed! We are very happy with our purchase. I am happy bc a queen sized bed is just too small when your hairy-legged husband is a snuggler! It's nice to not always have one leg hanging off the bed because I am just trying to get a little space. I may even get to put a couple inches between me and the edge, which will take some getting used to, but at least I won't fall off anymore! Don't get me wrong- I love to snuggle with Luke for like the first 5 minutes, but once he falls asleep and the snoring begins- I like a little space- it's hard to say my prayers with all that noise!
Oh- the process of getting the bed was a pretty comical time. Let me start by saying- it was a long day.........
We decide after a lunch at Bj's Brew House that we are going to go bed shopping! It was 4th of July weekend so we knew we could get some good deals. We go to the first place and automatically try to bolt in without being noticed- but Anita found us. She immediately comes up to us and starts trying to sell us everything around us. We tell her we are just browsing and will find her if we need anything. She continues to literally follow us around the store- at one point hiding behind a plant- I swear- she was totally behind a fake plant trying to hide the fact that she was 2 ft behind us. She was super annoying and wouldn't let us move without her behind us. We really liked one bedroom set but we thought we would continue to look around before buying this one. So we go from store to store- in the meantime- Lucas made a stop at the gas station. He went in an came out with a Gatorade and SHOCKERS. Now do you know what shockers are? I didn't- so when I asked my 25 year old husband what they were he replied" They are like sprees but they are sour!" I said "Seriously?"So now we are going from store to store with Lucas making sour face while we are trying to negotiate our adult bed! It was a bit much to say the least. As we went to all the different stores we couldn't find anything we liked as much as the first bed. SO BACK TO ANITA!
We went in the store and started looking for the sales lady who had followed us around. We couldn't find her- she was stalking another poor young couple-so we ask a guy in front of us if he could find her, only we couldn't remember her name. So this guy starts helping us. We felt like we were committing a crime! We were so nervous Anita was going to find us and like arrest us because she had followed us around for an hour and here we have someone else following us around. Well she finds us and she is pissed. I mean pissed. Her eyes look at me like my Mom's used to when she would find out I had drank at a high school party or something. I felt 16. I immediately start apologizing to the sales lady. I said " I am so sorry, we couldn't find you, and we forgot your name." She said" Hmmm your back and your using someone else, I'll take over from here." I look over at my husband for support against this evil lady and he had just popped a SHOCKER in his mouth, yellow I think, so he just had stupid sour face. He clearly didn't have my back on this one- as the lady and I are about to throw down, my husbands eyes are squinted, no one takes someone with sour face seriously when they are talking shit!
Anyways- I apologized, and when she see that we are interested in like the most expensive bed there, she forgives me. She immediately starts trying to throw in all this other crap. I was standing in between her and sour face with the Iphone to the ear, making sure "The Lady" ( my mother) approved of our choice. I actually took a picture and emailed it to her to make sure I would have her complete approval. I am sure Lucas loves my Mom's input! ( Long Marriage for Sour Face) I get her approval and tell Anita that we don't really want the nightstands bc they are too matchy. She said" Well you want it all to match perfect!" I said " Well my Mom's a designer and she says they aren't really matching every piece anymore" - Which she did say that but I am not sure where "The Lady" got her qualifications to be an actual designer. I am not sure if other designers who have worked hard and gotten degrees in design would appreciate me deciding my mom is a designer because she can run to Hobby Lobby and throw an apartment together with a couple Marilyn Monroe prints mixed with zebra pillows! But anyways- she does know what she is talking about!
Anita kind of looks at me all weird like she can't believe that we are bedroom shopping and I have brought my mom up like 10 times. But again she has never met "The Lady" and she doesn't get that I truly have never made a single decision without involving her. I think the only thing I have decided on my own was to get a tattoo and we all know how well that one turned out.( If you don't scroll down it's mentioned in the blog titled FAME!)So Anita keeps trying to convince us we need the nightstands- now Sour Face and her are discussing the nightstands I am again on the phone with " The Lady" because for some reason she doesn't get that I am in the middle of the store. She keeps calling just waiting for us to say- "Come up here, help us decide"- I knew that would throw Sour Face and Anita over the edge! "The Lady" is like trying to listen to what Anita is saying and is answering her questions and I am repeating it. Finally I said " Babe, Mom said that the KING size plus those huge nightstands may not fit along our wall!" This got Anita right in the jugular. Now my Mom is messing with her sale- apparently you don't mess with Anita's sale- she looked scrappy...... I was nervous. As silence comes over the entire furniture store Anita turns to my Husband and said " Well is her Mother going to be sleeping in this bed with y'all?" Oh no she didn't! Luke was so uncomfortable he actually dropped his SHOCKERS- he quickly found the cafe with cookies and convinced everyone there they are free, and him and all the other men are sitting in the recliner section watching TV with cookies and milk. But I looked at Anita and said "NO, but I value her opinion, let's MOVE ON TO MATTRESSES......."
Anita basically is running through the store to get to the mattress section. We couldn't keep up- I was actually dizzy because the maze she was taking us through. We end up in the children's section where Sour Cookie Face is showing me the type of bunk beds he an Mike always wanted. As annoyed as I was with him, you gotta love him! Anita finds us and says something to the affect of are y'all freaking coming?
SO as we enter the mattress section- she turns into this hard core Jersey car salesman. I am not sure where this accent came from but the end of every sentence is "Arright?" She is showing us the different types of beds and firmness- Sour is having fun with this- while I am worried that with all the jumping on the bed he is gonna choke on a SHOCKER, I can't even make myself sit on these beds. I am so grossed out as I look over next to me and see a whole family who smell like old curry lounging on these beds- then a family who smells like they work at Hibachi 2007 sprawled across the beds- and some white trash looking couple making out on a Temperpedic(spelling?)- I am grossed out. SO Sour is bouncing around and I am like "Babe -that's way too soft if you bounce when you sit down."........ As he popped another SHOCKER in his mouth-and says " Well- I am making myself bounce!" Geez! Is he my son or my Husband?
We decided on a bed and mattress and are loving life- we got out of there alive, Anita didn't kill us but we are required with our contract to invite her over for steaks every other Thursday for the next 5 years - or she'll charge us interest! JK! It was an experience like pretty much everything else in our lives. I will say it took my husband a long time to come down from the sugar high of 5 cookies and a whole roll of Shockers! But we have a KING sized bed- so the sugar high snore doesn't seem as bad!
Love ya'll!
