August 10, 2012

Hello Family and friends- WE ARE PREGGO!

It has been awhile since I last blogged, since 2010. Lucas and I are so excited and blessed in our lives, I felt that it was time to start blogging again. The past two years have been hard on us, but with lots of prayers, patience, and lots of tears we can finally say we are pregnant!!!!!!! In May we found out that to our surprise we were knocked up! I will never forget the moment I found out! So I will skip the past two years of tears and start this blog with the joy! On May 18- we were headed to a surprise party for my Mother in Law's birthday in Ft Worth. I casually filled Luke in on some information, trying not to make a big deal about it. I said "You know It's day 28 and I am not having any PMS, I am in a great mood, don't you think?" he was trying to hurry and get us there and was frustrated with Ft Worth traffic and was having some PMS of his own and he basically ignored my comment. He was so used to me coming up with fictional symptoms that may mean I am pregnant. SO I kind of just dropped it, thinking to myself, no back pain, no cramps, no moodiness, and a few other signs of pregancy that I had only heard of but never experienced. So we went to the party and had a great time. We had a great evening, and went on home. I went to bed that night, trying to convince myself not to get my hopes up. But something about the past month felt different. The 2 weeks before this I had been more emotional than I ever have in my life. I remember feeling like this is what hitting rock bottom with emoitons must really be. Another Mother's day. I thought for sure by this one I would be pregnant. If I had it my way I would be happy with a 1 1/2 year old, but God had a different plan for us. I remember standing in the kitchen when Lucas gave me a card from him and the dogs. It was a big card that played a song when you opened it. I asked him not to get me anything this year, as he normally does from him and the dogs, I just didn't want to acknowledge it. He didn't listen and when I opened the card and "Somewhere over the Rainbow", a very special song to me, started playing I lost it. I ran to my room, closed my closet door and sat there and cried. That is where I do my best crying for some reason and Lucas knows to just let me have my moment and not check on me when I am in my dark closet. I remember praying and telling God I have hit rock bottom with my emotions, I can't take it anymore. Please God help me, help us. I pulled myself together and went to church. It was a very hard service for me to get through. All about Mothers and Mothers day. At the end they asked women who had lost a child, or couldn't have a child to come down and pray. I couldn't move my legs to stand but my Mother in law got up and went down there, and I know she did that for me. We never spoke about our problem, but after almost four years of marriage it kind of becomes the elephant in the room, and you begin to notice nobody asks the dreaded question anymore........ When are you going to have a baby???? I got so tired of lying my way through that question. SO back to May 19, 2012- we woke up and like any normal Saturday, Lucas got up and got dressed to go to the office. I was just in slow motion as I always am on Saturdays, taking my time, fixing some breakfast, watching some Housewives, the usual. Luke left and I thought to myself, I am going to take a test. I have taken many tests in the past two years, never once getting a positive sign. I told myself not to get my hopes up, but take it and look at it in a little bit. I waited 10 whole minutes. It was my last test I had in the house too. Oh the irony...... I walked back in to my bathroom and I remember saying a prayer, that I have said often to myself- "Please God, let me be pregnant". To my shock, it was very dark positive!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited, I grabbed my phone and dialed Lucas, hung up. Dialed again and hung up. I thought I have to tell him in person. So I grabbed the test, jumped in the car, and drove to his office. Now let me remind you, I was in slow motion that morning. I had not done any of the following: brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, washed my face, meaning I had Alice Cooper eyes, I did not have a bra on, still in my pj's, not pretty, I did not have on any shoes, and did I mention I had not even brushed my teeth??? SO I get there and run in the office, no shoes in a parking lot, by the way. Lucas was surprised to see me, but was on a phone call with a customer. I waited there with my hands behind my back, positive test in hand...... GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE, I thought! He was giving me the "Child-you done lost your mind" eyes, I saw him glance at me and look me up and down to see that I was bra-less, shoeless- hairbrush impaired, etc. He must have thought, well this is it, she has actually lost it. I know he fears I will lose it someday, doesn't everybody? I have those tendencies! So he hung up and said something like what the hell are you doing here crazy girl- and I handed him the test. Once I got it through his little head that we were pregnant, we were so excited, hugging, kissing, looking at my belly, dancing, screaming, shouting, crying, crying,and more crying!!!!!! I went home, grabbed some shoes and fixed myself a bit and the first place I went was to Gil's grave. I felt that I needed to go there and tell him Thank you for helping us out with this blessing. I knew Lucas and I had asked him to nudge God a little and let us be pregnant. I told Gil that day how proud he would be of his son, all of the changes he has made in his life, all the maturing he had done, how he is running his business so well and what a wonderful person he is, even though I know he knows all this. I left there and grabbed some more test. 7 test later, all positive, I could finally say out loud- I am pregnant!!!!!! So this brings us to now- we are 16 weeks pregnant, and loving every minute of it, well I think that is what I am supposed to say! It's not all that fun being pregnant, but I know the outcome will be worth it! I am feeling good, healthy and happy! Weird things are happening everyday, like the fact that I ate two breakfasts yesterday, but I am just trying to roll with it. I know Luke misses the old me, the one who didn't snap at him if he looks at me or the dogs wrong, but he is adjusting to this new round tummy girl! (He is also adjusting to the fact that there are lots more pillows on the bed and he better not even let a pinky toe touch me at night or I will slap him.) We find out the gender tomorrow. We are going to Ultraview, and we are so excited to get to see our baby again! We are finding out early, because I can't wait any longer- We haven't seen it since I was 10 weeks. So I am sure it looks alot different. Everyone thinks it is a girl, but who knows. The names we have picked out are Jackson Allen Ward, or Molly Ann Ward. I am totally in love with both names, and in love with whatever "it" decides to be! God has totally blessed us, we couldn't be more excited and happy- life feels almost complete! This blog will be our fun way to keep those close to us up to date with all the goings on in my belly and our lives as we become parents to our first two legg'd baby. Big and Skeeter are very excited to have another sibling too! January 25, 2013 is right around the corner! Love, Jodie, Lucas, Mr. Big, Skeeter J, and Baby Ward!